01/09/2014 Weight is a four letter word to me. In my head it's only four letters. And I say it like I say any other four letter word. With disdain.
I've been overweight my whole life. And by overweight, I mean, I was CHUBBY for the first 18 years of my life. CHUBBY. Not fat. It was on occasion brought to my attention, but for the most part, not too many people pointed it out. My friends for sure never talked about my weight. It was always interesting to me how much people focused on not eating and seemed to be suffering. I would have pizza and they would just gobble it up like they hadn't eaten in days - I felt like they were starving themselves. I never did that. It wasn't an issue.
It wasn't like they had cuter boyfriends. That wasn't the case. I never had issue with that, either. I really felt like my being CHUBBY was a blessing in disguise. I didn't have to keep up appearances. I didn't have to starve myself. I got to wake up every day and just be ME. I was so lucky for that! Of course I always wished I was a little skinnier, but it wasn't something that consumed me.
Fast forward to my 20's. I'll be honest. I have the fat gene. There's no doubt about it. Anyone on the Richardson side of my family knows exactly what I'm talking about. It happens in a steady wave - once you have children or reach a certain age it's all downhill. Unless you WORK at it. Well...considering the aforementioned previous years, I didn't have the desire to even consider that.
I had 2 kids and gained 26 pounds with each of them, and that weight stayed on. And has stayed on. I had knee surgery and gained 20 pounds. That weight stayed on. I had thyroid surgery, gained 20 pounds and that weight stayed on. I'm now to the point that I CARE. I CARE, because I am worried about my health. I am worried that I won't be able to enjoy my kids and grandkids when I get old. I worry that I won't be able to enjoy fun things in life with my husband (and lets face it...he's 12 years older than I am!). I worry because I am, at 40, really starting to get a double chin...and to be honest, I've said it all my life, my face is my best asset! :) I remember someone saying that to me when I was younger. "You're too pretty to be overweight". I just took that as the best complement ever, and didn't even think about the weight part.
So...I am going to try my best to eat healthy. I am going to try my best to keep moving. I hate to say it outloud, because I want no advice. I know what is good and what is bad. Sometimes I just don't care and want a Baskin Robbins peanut butter sundae. I'm going to give up Frappuccinos for good. I know those are a huge downfall for me.
I probably will never publish this post - because if I do, then I actually have to stick with my program.
I think I will post this when I've lost 20 pounds.
